A trip to remember

Today I realized that I have lost most of the photos of my solo trip in 2017 due to some technical problem in my phone. No, there was no back up! The captured moments are now gone but the memory lives on. Here I am of sharing three of the most important learnings that I gained from the birthday gift that I gave myself.

1.       Muster up the courage and just give it a shot!

One fine day I woke up with the desire to visit the Golden Temple. The state of finances and my friend’s reluctance to accompany me made me chain down my wish. However, I could not drown it into oblivion. I did not want to look back and blame my friend or my circumstances for my unfulfilled dream. So I decided to go alone.

I took a stock of my situation. Did I really not have the finances? Maybe I was contouring my trip with luxuries that I could surely give a miss. Indian railways, dharamshalas, local buses and backpackers hostels came to the rescue. As soon as the light was visible, I made all the possible bookings so that no black out happens.

The next problem was myself. Though I was a good planner, I was not as organised as I would have loved to be. Also, I was capable of being embarrassingly clumsy at times. To all this, I wore the badge of accomplishing the seemingly impossible task of getting lost on five different occasions to reach the same place.  Knowing oneself too well sometimes holds one back. Knowing myself too well, I had already planned the route of no return. Ta da! All the bookings were done!

So one rainy and eventful day (literally so as it was the day of the Elphinstone Bridge stampede) with a throbbing head I embarked on my first solo trip to the peaceful Golden Temple and the serene beauty of the mountains at Dharamshala.

And yes, here I am full of experiences and planning my next one. I survived!

The Golden Temple, Amritsar

Hostel La Vie, Dharamshala

2.       Mistakes and adventures

At Amritsar, after visiting the Golden Temple premises and Jallianwala Bagh, I proceeded towards Wagah-Attari border. I took a shared auto. The auto would bring all of us back to the starting point. My co-passengers were a group of five boys, a family of three and two men. At the border, I chose to deposit my bag together with those of the boys. All of us parted ways deciding to meet at a common point after the Beating Retreat Border Ceremony. After catching a glimpse of the proceedings from far, escaping a near stampede and few photos at the border, I came back to the meeting point. The family and the two men were there but the group of boys were missing. Then I went back to the place where I deposited the bag and I found one of them waiting for me. He enquired about the others and confirmed that the bag was with him in the auto. He asked us to come fast as the auto driver was getting impatient. While walking back, one of the young men was found to be missing. I informed the boy and asked him to wait while the others went to look for him. He asked us to come fast and walked away. Finally after the man was located we went looking for the auto but it was nowhere to be seen. The boys were also not there. All around us there was utter chaos because of the unexpectedly high footfall on the Dusehhra weekend. The network was bad so the auto driver could not be contacted. Then suddenly I realised that I did not have the contact number of the boys, my bag was with them and my passport was in the bag! I ran down the entire stretch of the road looking at all the autos but they were gone! When I returned, the others were waiting for me. They had managed to get an auto for going back. Finally after an exciting episode of breakdown of the auto in the middle of the highway, a session of questioning by the night patrol of the Punjab police , narrating my lost passport case(courtesy one of the concerned co-passengers) , we finally managed to reach the starting point. I was dejected but hopeful of getting back my document the next day by contacting the auto organiser. I realized I was stupid in depositing my bag along with others, not because I shouldn’t trust people but because life is unpredictable and everybody doesn’t share the same sentiments. The thought of discontinuing my trip flashed across my mind. The local team from my office's global security helpline called. They promised to help me lodge an FIR the next morning, ensured my safe return to the guest house and then hung up. After calming down, I decided that I would continue my trip. I went back to the square to lift my mood up with a good meal and also to see whether I’d bump into those boys miraculously. And miracle it was! I saw one of them finishing their dinner. In a daze of thankfulness, I went and tapped on his shoulder. He seemed relieved and happy to see me. They brought my bag and apologised for leaving us stranded blaming the auto driver for the same. I just thanked them, reached my dormitory, freshened up and went to sleep. I was too overwhelmed by the turn of events.

The day was rich in many lessons but the most important one was to never lose faith.

Attari-Wagah border

The Golden Temple Guest House

3.       Strangers

After the miracle at Amritsar, I was a bit wiser. I huffed and puffed uphill to reach my hostel at Bhagsu, Dharamshala. I entered my room and smiled. There was my bunk bed just beside the window overlooking the mountains. It was one of my dreams which just got realised as I stood there. I freshened up and went out for dinner. When I came back there were five other girls in the room from different corners of the world. I was engulfed with a feeling of reaching out for the Invisibility Cloak. Somehow I always felt conscious and uncomfortable among strangers. This was more to do with my insecurities than anything else. However, I took a deep breath and smiled. I introduced myself and thereafter we transitioned from being strangers to roommates. One of them invited me to join them for a visit to His Holiness’s talk the next day. So at 5 am in the morning I was up, walking down the mountain roads, trusting my companions and joining them in their spiritual quest. By end of the evening as we all settled down on our beds, laughing, sharing jokes, sharing insecurities, moments of joy, seeking advice and giving advice, the geographical borders melted and a connection of friendship was forged. All friendships may not end up in something rock solid but what mattered was the honesty, the vulnerability and the genuine emotions lived in those shared moments.

Now amidst strangers I am a bit more relaxed, a bit more confident than before. I know that the person in front of me is not much different from me. It’s just a matter of being you, a genuine smile and a handshake to try and break the ice.

View from my bed

The roomies-Brenda,myself,Sophie,Noel,Lise and Katie(from the left)

A New Age Fair

The turns- some new some strange
The roads-some known some old
The buildings-shining with history
The place- bubbling with story
What is different today in this known city?
What is the tug which makes me feel silly?
New fragrances which linger,
Surreptitious smiles-for reasons I can't finger!

Every corner I go,
The memories have a story to tell
Every round I take,
They remind me of your smell.
It's a sweet torture,
You don't want me to take.
You are free, I am not.
You have decided for yourself,
Now let me be,till I take a break.

Easy it is for you to touch and go,
Easy it is for you to say yes and no,
I am sorry I am too slow,
With your whims I don't flow.
I have a heart which knows to love
I have a mind which knows to care
I am not apologetic being thus
Only problem is keeping it hush.
Your name on my screen brings a smile asunder,
Your voice makes my heart beat like thunder.

You are pro at this new age fair,
Where love seems to be a non existent affair.
My beatings will take time to adjust.
After all, maybe it's not love but lust.
Whatever it is, it needs to have no base.
Feelings for you have to be made less.
That will also happen my love.
Only fear is that I will by the end
Be a part of this new age fair,
Where love is a non existent affair.

Last Verses

Writing the last few verses for you.
No, you won't find me blue.
I promise this not for you,
But for the love of the Almighty who is always true!

Life is magical !
Life is tragical !
But life with its colours few,
Blends in to form new hues.
Complaining is not something I'll do,
But will definitely paint a picture new!

Love life with all that it hails.
Maybe the songs are not always with happy bells,
But I choose to not be in the hell.
I have blessings to make me sail!

Heart is not mindful
Of trenches and whirlpool.
I know at the end I look like a fool.
But when with honesty I'd jumped in the pool,
I'll be the better person with a soul beautiful!

Thank you for all the moments which were only mine,
Be happy with life in your vine.
Maybe we shall meet one day in sunshine,
When my happiness will surpass thine!

Strangers once again

Remember once we knew not one another,
It was like a different chapter.
You counted minutes through your pings
Sharing everything with a ring.
Now that we know one another,
Why moments are locked by an unseen captor?
Why laughters are stifled with thoughts ,
Waiting till the white flower rots?
If you are good is it my fault?
If I am not worse , what to throw out of my vault ?
Which words should I tell you more,
So that the wounds won't fear to be sore ?
I have a flash,
If you would let it light.
Let's not keep the future in sight,
Let's leave all this behind.
Let's just rewind,
Let's laugh out loud,
And erase the day we heard each other's sound.
Let us be strangers once again,
You and me-a new story to begin!

A Thousand Lovely Deaths

Away you took my breath,
As you stood at BK's gate.
How could you have a face so straight,
Causing a thousand lovely deaths?!

When I look down at my plate,
I feel you looking at my face.
"Wish I was the prettiest in the place."
Desires bringing a thousand lovely deaths.

You touch, you brush.
I blush!
My heart stops beating with bated breath,
As I die a thousand lovely deaths!

As you kiss the goodbyes,
Tears well up in my eyes.
Don't know what makes them wet,
Drowning me with a thousand lovely deaths.

I love your eyes,
I love your smiles.
I love your soul so great,
Burning mine with a thousand lovely deaths!

Morning Fantasy

Feeling like making out with you
To feel the touch which gives me shivers
To breathe the voice which makes my heart quiver
To transform into beautiful washed by your lips
To melt in your arms when I lose.

Feeling like waking up beside you,
To watch you breathe softly,
To slowly caress the softness of your chest,
To resist waking you up by making it my head rest,
To kiss you on your lips,
To see you smile at your dream trips.

These thoughts are not my fault at the slight.
Today's morning sun has no mood
To open its eyes and shine bright.
It is lulling me to sleep,
To visit the moonlight
To dream of you when you are out of sight.

- [ ]

The Elusive You

Closed my eyes with a smile,
Reminiscing the last few days for a while.

You were a burst of sunshine, a constant downpour.
Your non stop magical words pulled me out of rancour.

Your words echo with a deep breath
"Jaan don't fall in love,look where you tread"
Grounds are slippery,but don't worry I still have my head.

Few lines about you are difficult,
It will make me think about you without any halt.
For you this torture is accepted
If it kind of gets your eyes crinkled.

Baby you are so vivacious,
It is actually infectious.
But beauty is in your pause,
When you open the windows to your house.
A beautiful soul with mischief inlaid,
Makes one ones own without visible dread
An enchanted mind with the heart of a child,
You are a rainbow with colours so wild.

Wary in approach, yet brave.
Though I know you not much to rave.
Yet your elusive company I shall crave,
And remember that ur thoughts in my prayers I will always save.
It will be hard to tell u bye,
But I know those days are nigh.
Good things are not forever,
But the memories will never die.

Will You Be My Poetry?

Will you be my poetry?
Through your hair I will run my fingers,
And gather my thoughts.
In your eyes I will look,
And find my words.
On your lips I will put mine
And find the fire,
On your back I will write my desire.
Softly with my kisses light,
Slowly and ever slowly
We will burn away the night.

The long drawn curtains,
Will have a story to tell,
If to write a beautiful poetry
I fail.
Keep the story in your heart
Even if for a while,
Know that knowing you
Someone miles away will smile.
Don't pull the curtains,
Don't open the door,
Be my muse,my dream
For some time more .

Ashamed should I be,
Of wanting you?
Scared should I be,
Of losing you?
Answers I will seek
Some other time,
When I will alone
Watch the clock chime.

Strangers

We are two strangers,
Met at life's one of many junctures.
We shall kiss and move apart soon,
Like the specks in time's sand dune.
The heart becomes heavy at the thought
That you and me are meant to be naught.

The reality reels me towards others.
True, hundreds are there in the yonders. They vouch to kiss the body to shivers,
But none touch the soul with arrow from their quivers.

You are a free bird I know,
But will u let me kiss u slow?
Will you let me look into your eyes,
To see them turn into smiles?
Will you let me take your hand for awhile,
To feel warmth before cold covers the miles?

In between your "baby" and silences
You touched me.
In between your incessant chatter and missing conversations,
You caught me.
You made my heart skip beats,
And I am not lying.
You made me love the sun kissed mornings more,
When I am at the Almighty's door.
I love the dreams which make me drive,
And know they'll make me thrive.
Without you I will survive,
But when with you, I dream to jive!!

A Flash Across My Mind

Year is coming to an end,
At an interesting bend.
"Will you be on the other side?",
Wonders me with eyes open wide.

You run too fast you claim.
But running after you is not my aim.
If you value, then slow down;
Else, pester to lose you,I won't be that clown.

When your footprints are all that would remain,
Will remember how you drove me insane.
How you made me look within me with love.
To praise myself,whom, I always used to shove.

Will remember the colours of your life,
Laugh at how You choose to be Your wife.
But, what I will miss the most,
Is how you understood the thoughts I post.
It had been like having a dear friend,
Who heaven delayed to send.

Life wouldn't have been more rosy with you as confidante,
But it would have given me someone to rant,
To laugh, to cry ,to pray, to rise up again.
To face life with a smile in eyes amidst all the pain.
"And what would you have in this game?".
"Nothing but my undying friendship",says this dame.

Love for Thee

I have only few verses with me
But love has no end for Thee.
I have felt You always within
Without You I am lonely and beaten.

Today have You abandoned me?
Have I offended You so much?
I have only You with me
Where will another friend I search.

Relationship with You is it bound
By verses and rituals abound?
The language that I have in my heart
Allah does that make no sound?

I thank you everyday for all the blessings
I bear with strength the hardships that you fling
I know what you do is for the best
On You we need to leave the rest.
Still Allah sometimes the  tears do not stop
Do I not deserve unfragmented happiness from your shop?

Birthday Blues

As I blow out the candles on my cake
A lump in my throat is in the make.
It's that day again,
Where my being fades ,
And I slowly seem to lose the rein.

The awards of the school days,
Emancipation of mind as in college it frayed,
Appreciation and respect in workplace,
Dreams and hopes built without any cess,
All crumpled today into nothingness.
Disappointed with my life,
They have taken the strife
Of finding a suitable boy,
Who will take care of me, as I act coy.

Ma, do you not know me ?
Am I the person you want me to be?
You know I argue for the right,
And sulk if I don't win the fight.
Ma, I need a boy not to make my life better ,
I need someone who will welcome my presence in all weather.
Ma, I am soft you know,
The tears, at the slightest hurt, they flow.
Don't force me into a fire slow,
I will harden into a stone and won't show.

Dad, I made u proud and happy once,
It hurts me to see the flounce.
Dad, please love me and have faith,
Plead you to not let society end the wait.
I have learnt to be happy and able,
The wings you made strong keeps me stable.
Be the wind as you have always been
The Almighty will one day surely bless my deen.

An Ordinary Girl

I am only an ordinary girl,
Want to look at the mountains with my pillow and curl.
"She will become an exemplary one,
Educated and settled with husband-daughter-son."
Alas, I am rolling with only my education!

I am only an ordinary girl,
Then why my mind is in a constant whirl.
I am scared by the darkness of my thoughts,
And baffled by the shine I find in naughts.
Can't I just be mundane and be one with the lot,
Ones who are by many sought?

I am only an ordinary girl,
Taking in life's abundant twirl.
Collecting little sunshines on the run,
To find light when gloom covers the sun
And add sparkles to my world for fun.

I am only an ordinary girl,
Discovering that I am no less than a pearl.
Patience,gratitude,kindness and love
Blessed to have these showered from above.
I am not perfect,that I know.
Am breathing in life steady and slow.
Stoking that fire within to glow,
For putting up an extraordinary show!

I am only an ordinary girl,
Spiritual but not by ritual.
Almighty,keep me steady,hold me tight,
Forgive my sins and bless my flight.
Take me to heights keeping the ground in sight.
Thank you for the extra in the ordinary light!

Love in all shapes

"Hello Miss Round!!"
Said a sonorous sound.
I spun around
At the Dolby surround.

"Hello mister..ermm??"
"Ob is the name" he said.
"Is that name not made?
Pray tell me the real name instead."

"Obtuse is the name,my dear lady.
I hate the name as it makes me look shady.
So for a date are u ready?
I will take you on slow and steady."

Laughed out loud at his gumption,
Held my sides lest they burst of vibration.
He held her hand with his wittiest presentation.
Thus Ob and Ro started their conversation.

Ro looked at the tall man with awe.
Felt conscious of her beauty raw.
"Why wasn't I like the hourglass I saw.
Ugly things like me should be hidden by law."

"I am in love with the shape of you!" said Ob.
"From where did these lines you rob?"
"It's my original for you." he said with a feigned sob.
Cheeks blushed with an unwarranted throb.

Minutes passed into hours,
Hours passed into day afters.
Making memories of laughters with no bars,
And promises of no scars.

Alone, Ro looked at the mirror.
Ob was great but won't miss her ever.
Why did she meet him with so much fervour!
"It will hurt badly.", she thought with a tremor.

Ob had his own stress.
Felt he failed to impress.
Staring in the eyes of the princess,
He had missed his beats more not less.

Ro picked up the phone.
It was Ob's name she wanted to moan.
Sun will set one day and that's known,
Why to sulk alone and forlorn.

Just then the doorbell rang loud.
Opened to see Ob's smile broad.
"Without promises of being forever around,
Will you be mine, my Miss Round?"

With smiles and tears making a strange symphony,
Ro pointed out the differences which were many.
Ob held her close and kissed on her nose shiny,
"Look at the similar lines we have you granny."

"You and me have a great rapport you see,
But you and me are scared to be.
We are child at heart and free.
Future is unknown to you and me.
Let's just smile and make love with glee,
You and me together will make the sadness flee!!"

Thus the lives of two shapes blend,
I don't know whether they remain till the end.
Ro-Ob is a story that I send,
For all that are at life's strange bend.
Take a plunge into life my friend,
Maybe you will have broken hearts to mend,
But with life's rainbows kenned and penned!

A Trembling Heart

The city lights make me think of you.
It was not like this before you brought in new hues.
What is this magic that you do?
I feel scared and it's true.
I feel scared that we are so different.
The world we belong to will never melt.
Yet your voice I crave,
And that mischievous smile is my fave.

Gratitude

"Just a little more and
The balcony with the  sunset view would've been mine",
Murmuring in irritation on life I walked down the lane.
Heard a small voice telling his mother
"Ma, today I learnt about sunset at the sea.
It is beautiful they said.
I told them about the poetry on the lovely moon shining,
On the river in front of our house"!
Ma hugged him tightly
With love of the fairyland!
I stared at the gutter
At the door of his house,
A room filled with filth and poverty
But fragrant with love, dreams and poetry.
The balcony I got seemed heaven.
Thanked God for being a true maven.

With paper in front and cup of coffee in hand,
The news of the rape of a young child
Brought back memories from a distant land.
That day the call of azaan
Saved an innocent heart,
And the voice of a mother
Brought tears with mirth.
You are the saviour, you are the friend
You are there when all lights end.

Life as it may seem is not the end.
It has lot of reels to play, lot of souls to blend.
Each phase has its own beauty,
Don't lose hope but count your bounty.
And one day when you look back,
Other's misfortunes won't make you feel blessed,
But being the answer to someone's prayers will.
Then know that the Almighty has been kind all along.

Strings

Standing on my weary legs,
Reaching out to the sky,
I thought,
"When will my time come, Ye Almighty.
When will I rest on the ground?"

Just then a pair of soft hands touched me.
Heard a whisper in my ears,
"Make my papa come back to me,
I will not cry for Barbie."
Gingerly she tied a moist string
On my hand, matured with age.

"Ye Almighty,
Give me strength to stand for another day.
Let this prayer reach you
And then I will say 'Nay.'!"

Almighty laughed and said,
"Look at yourself,
Adorned with strings of hope and prayers!
To fall you need to stop blooming.
But you breathe and you thrive.
You keep their hopes alive,
Wishing that one day they will come
And kiss you with fulfilled tears,
Making you smile with yet another flower.
I am there to take care of your smile.
You be and stand strong."

As I watched this dialogue
Between the Maker and His creation,
I prayed silently,
With the clouds covering,
And the waves soothing me,
" Hey Allah, make me someone's string of prayer,
Make me someone's smile."

A love story

A love story at the sea,
Between the rock and the water free.

The water travels far and wide,
Leaving the rock with kisses' spree.
She collects whispers from the horizon,
Gushes at the exciting stories that the sea gulls own.
Ebullient with joy from the sea's vault,
Makes its way to its beloved with the tide.

With the afternoon sun shining high,
Sparkling, it reaches the rock's nigh.
Frolicking and dancing out of bliss,
Rock regales in the beauty of his effervescent miss.
She mesmerises rock with tales of the sea,
Paints the dreams as there he can't be.
He is stable love, for which she prays,
Being there for her no matter where she strays.
Water showers into pieces of ecstasy,
As they make love with the wind's symphony.
The love story grows stronger with every tide,
Every parting brings craving to be on each other's side!

The Jingle

Mother whispered,
"She is our daughter.
How can you be so hard?"
The owner shouted,
"My daughter is my seed,
Sown to take care of our feed.
Son will learn and grow
He will take care and show.
Let her do her job,
Let her go."

I heard the jingle.

City lights welcomed me.
Crushed my innocence with a sadistic glee.
I hear the jingle every night,
It is the music which dims the light.

One such night, I met love.
Promised to be my Prince Charming.
Escaped the curtains of darkness,
Hand in hand,
Only to be cheated at the station grand,
By talks of a louder jingle.

Disillusioned, I escaped life.
Jumped on the tracks to end the strife.
Opened my eyes in heaven,
On a soft bed,
And a caring hand on my head.
Shocked at the strangeness of God's abode,
Sat straight and looked around.
An old lady sat at my bedside,
"Daughter, take rest. All will be ok."
She said.
The love in her voice made me shiver,
With doubts raising their fangs.
"What is this place with the strange jingle ? I asked.
Money doesn't sound thus."
"This is the sound of music,
Which soothes our pain,
It is the rhythm of dance
Through which healing we gain.
Join us in our journey.
You will find yourself again."

As the curtains were drawn,
Lights filled the darkness.
Claps drowned the jingle,
Smiles greeted me as I mingled.
I started afresh to be only mine.

5 am thoughts

Today morning as I was praying, I realized something. Allah is who has created us. It is He who has given us life. We are there to serve him, to thank him for all the bounties. Yet we falter in that one thing expected of us. However, have you felt Him leaving your side? Never! As soon as you take a moment and call Him strumming the right chords of your heart, He is there. Sometimes, we don’t realise but He sails us through many tough situations .And we say, ”Thank God!!” as a reflex action rather than by deliberate intent. Many times we get hurt, we fail and we make mistakes. We also complain, ”Why me?”! We think that if God truly loved us, then He wouldn’t have made us go through this! Then after the storm passes and the worst is over, our vision clears and we feel the strength within us. We realise then what we didn’t earlier. We look back and see how the heat, the fire made us stronger, made us shine! The experiences we gather become like the alloys which make gold stand the test of time and therefore valuable.

I realised Allah is like a true leader. He has a destination ready for you. He knows where you will reach but He doesn’t tell you. He guides you, mentors you but never hand holds you. He lets you fail but does not abandon you. He waits patiently to watch you get up, gather your wits and again start the climb. He waits for you to ask for help and when it is asked he delivers the same. However, He may not deliver the solutions on a plate as we may like but He hides it in signs which we must decipher on our own.  Inspite of everything when we fail, He has our back. He carries us and takes care of us. I remember Miss Nandita Bir at this point. She was one of the beautiful teachers who took our value education classes in school. One of the things that she mentioned resonates in my mind even today. God is not someone to be scared of, He loves us. Our actions should be a result of our love for Him and not because of the consequences that we may face. Once that realization is in place, we will never falter and never fail our leader.

As an afterthought, I pondered as to why I equated Allah as a leader and not as parents! After all they love us the most. Yes, they love us blindly, unconditionally. They love us to a point where they will take the heat of the fire instead of us getting scorched. They will bleed if we get wounded. Our parents are a gift to us by God to pat us on our back, to ruffle the hair on our head and embrace us in love when we fall and tell us, “Its ok beta, try again later. Now eat and take rest.” And for some who are unfortunate to have no parents, He is there in some form or the other.

So, I will draw an end here. Couldn’t stop but pen my thoughts down and share with you. These are my personal reflections seen through the mirror which I see. The light reaching you may not be the same and therefore you may have a different perception. It is okay! Different colours make the rainbow and create a beautiful vision. Therefore, go ahead and express what you feel in a positive way and make the world a better place!

(Note: All pictures courtesy Google image)