The Perfect Match

The soft music playing at the restaurant was drowned by the peals of laughter from my roommate.
"What? He blocked you?!" she reconfirmed the nth time now in between the respite she got from laughing and breathing.
"Yes",I said, with a pained look."And the worst part is that he has not unblocked me even after I apologised. I told him that I felt humiliated and insulted that I was blocked and being treated like a rogue."

Ghazala started a fresh bout of laughter.
I could decipher her intelligent observation as, "O Samima! He he he he.. How...he he did you manange to become such a loser...he he!?Girls generally block guys!He he he.."
"I don't know. I am supporting the 'HeForShe' initiative I think.",I replied and joined in the infectious display of mirth at my expense.
Well, at least I could laugh at myself instead of being puffy eyed. Thank God for that.
After completing her joyride,Ghazala said,"Look, Samima, that poor guy panicked when you unearthed all those facts about him which he had so diligently fabricated.He did not expect a bumble bee like you to take the effort and run a search on him.It was definitely naive on his part to lie.It did not dawn on him that today you can trace out everything from bachpan to jawani from the web.We leave so many traces around without knowing.Do not get me wrong Sami, but it was okay on his part in wanting not to reveal about himself."
I listened patiently waiting for my turn."I did not have a problem with the 'not revealing' part but with the lying part. I gave straight answers to straight questions."
"You are a fool.",sighed Ghazala."Now what do you plan to do?"
"I want to get myself back on his contact list and get over these days of ignominy!I liked him.We can at least remain friends.",I exclaimed.
"Sami, I didn't ask you about the next stupid wish that you have. Both of you are mature individuals and not some school or college going teenagers. You both can decide whether you want to be in touch or not. What I want to tell you is that YOU need to get over THIS state.You need to go out and meet people.This is not the end gal! Why don't you join some activity where you will meet real people? You mentioned once that you liked dancing. Join the new dance school that has opened near my office."
"Well, guys or no guys, that IS indeed a great idea.Err, but I will need you to sponsor.",I added sheepishly.
"I am ready to pay for these 'laxative'ical dance classes to get the crap out of your head".Gazala started laughing once again at her poor joke. I joined in. I was feeling lighter already.

The next weekend, I joined the classes near Gazala's office.It was a small dance studio with separate timings for Salsa,Hip hop,Belly dancing and many other exotic dance forms. I wanted to learn Kathak but it did not work out as the place was pretty far and commuting to and fro after job was impossible.So Salsa it was. I entered the studio for my first class.My dance instructor introduced me to Sohail. I remembered Ghazala. A guy on the first day! I hoped that this was not something she was staging for me.

Sohail and I started our dance classes. I could not have wished for a worst dance partner in my life.He was the average looking yet attractive guy. He was almost 6 ft tall with hair which formed a tuft on his forehead like Devanand. He worked at a good position in a reputed IT firm .Well, he was the picture of the perfect eligible bachelor till that image was shattered by his shoddy performance on the dance floor and his attitude.

He had two left feet and kept on blaming me for our poor performance.This continued even on the second day. Losing patience, I asked him to wait for me at the end of our class. We were both tired. So I suggested that we go to the coffee shop next door.While waiting for the coffee, we spoke about ourselves. I was careful and parted with only the skeletal details.
With the aroma of the coffee rejuvenating me,I started my actual mission. "Sohail, don't get me wrong. Are you like this with your team members in office?"
"What do you mean?",he asked taken aback by the sudden out of context question.
"Well, do you put the blame of your failures on your team members", I asked. Hmm,that did not come out right, I realized.He was utterly shocked.I took advantage of his stunned silence and continued."See, the fact is that you cannot dance. Instead of accepting that and trying to work on it together as a team with me,you just spoil our collaboration by putting the blame squarely on my shoulder.You know, anybody can dance. You don't have to be a pro or something. Just listen to the music and lose yourself to the beat. Don't concentrate on the fact that you are not able to do it."
"Wow! I did not expect that! Least of all from you.We are practically strangers.", he exclaimed.
"We stopped being strangers since the moment we were introduced and paired up with each other.I have joined these classes to unwind and get over the emotional turmoil that I am in. Least of all to get into another one because of you."
"I am sorry.", he continued."My intention was not to be harsh. What happened?"
"Nope. You were rude. You go first. Come clean.", I said feeling gleeful that I controlled spilling my heart out to, yes, a 'stranger'.
"I had a very bad break up last month. My girlfriend of 10 years dumped me for some rich guy and went abroad.She ended it. Just like that. I tortured my room-mate,Asif, with my sob story and my sour mood. I am performing below par at office as well.Last week was Asif's birthday.I forgot to buy him a birthday gift. I felt bad for not remembering his birthday and told him that I was sorry and that he could ask for whatever he wants as a birthday gift.That bugger had it all planned. He knew that I would forget. He handed me the enrolment receipt for this dance class and said,"Please start from next week.I want you to go and get over this.There is more to life than that bitch who did not even deserve you.Make new friends.There, that will be my birthday gift.".I wanted to break all his teeth then and there. I could not as it was his birthday and I was on the wrong side.So you see, I am not exactly into this because I enjoy this and want to lose myself in some bullshit rhythm.I was told that I will meet some pretty and understanding girls out here and not some demanding troll like you."With the last sentence he burst out laughing.
Seeing him laugh I felt great for being a troll.The unprecedented openness and aggressiveness from a total stranger made him baulk and reveal his vulnerable side.I know how it feels to release the bottled up pressure. I joined in the laughter,making faces feigning hurt feelings.
"Well, these classes were my friend Ghazala's idea. She calls it the 'laxative'ical dance classes." and I continued my story.

After a month, Sohail and I were ready with our first public performance. He was a fast learner. We were excited. There is nothing for YOU to get excited. Nothing has happened between us. I am still the troll for him and I call him Shrek.

We entered the wedding premises and took the first selfie of the day on the stage that read " Ghazala Weds Asif".Yes,we brought the people, who tried to get us back on our feet,together. To our delight they clicked as a couple as we thought they would. As they say"Jo hota hai achhe ke liye hota hai".All is well that ends well.


Note: All pictures courtesy Google image

The Penned Monologue

Many who know me say I do not need any body to entertain me.I am my own entertainer.I don't need music playing on my iPhone. I have my own playlist in my mind while I am walking or working or cooking or bathing. Sometimes,though, the music slips out from my mind through my vocal chords and that's when I am banned ;p. One of my closest friends named me "Cartoon Network" for all the jokes, stupidity and mischief that I do! To justify myself, I can only say that I am as needy and clingy as every other girl and love being loved and wanted. However,I love my own space and individuality, as well. I guess, that is like a true blue Libran answer:balanced and confounding! :D.

The truth is that I love watching people around me. I love watching the episodes of a megaserial playing while travelling in trains, loitering in malls, catching up with friends in coffee shops. I am not good at expressing all that I see and feel, but if I could show all the movies that are running in my mind, I bet you will declare at least 50% of them as blockbusters! ;).Sometimes I feel so overwhelmingly inspired that I cannot rest till I write and take it out of my system.However, more often than not, penning down the story does not happen, as the time required to concentrate and form the clouds eludes me leaving my "digital papyrus" parched.Recently, I came across an interview of Imtiaz Ali,director of the recent movie- "Tamasha". He mentioned that he does not feel the need to record ideas that flashes across his mind immediately.According to him, if an idea is of any worth then it will remain etched in your mind forever.I was amazed at the truth of that statement. Indeed,"Scarface" was an idea which is almost 2 yrs old. I wanted to express it beautifully in the form of lyrics but felt that I was handicapped by my limited literary prowess and therefore stalled it. The expression of the thought got delayed but never forgotten and finally delivered(though not with the profundity with which I experienced it).

Last year, after reading one of my blogs, a friend asked me whether what I write are based on true incidents or not. To answer the question, yes they are based on true incidents. However, the proportion in which the real and fantasy are mixed is the secret which is only mine.I may take my personal experiences, my own perceptions,add to it dollops of inspiration from movies playing in the theatre called Life and then "Dum" it with my imagination. In my blogs, I mention some real people including myself in the guise of other names or personalities. However, my intention is not to hurt anyone. I share my blog with my characters(if they exist) so that they do not come to know what I have written from others. I write for selfish reasons. I write to get rid of a nagging tale in my head. I write to express feelings that I cannot share verbally. I write to spread the message that I strongly feel about. I do not try to be good or preachy or bad for that matter. I write from my heart and I write for myself.

I am thankful to all who read my posts.I am overwhelmed and continue to be so when I see so many people actually sharing their feedback personally.To be honest, I do not find my writing up to the mark.I also know that if I wait for the perfect piece, not even a single post will ever get published. Perfection is a mirage. Therefore,I just strive to do my best. I do not know what and how you perceive them, but if it gives you comfort, solace, inspiration or a thought to ponder and act upon, I would be happy. I write to experience that release of dopamine :D

Finally, I would like to end my monologue by urging others to start writing,to share their thoughts. I know people who are more talented than me and have lives which are more eventful and exciting but do not follow their passion citing various reasons. Drown the reasons and jump in. Once you do so, let me assure you, you will love the swim!

Scarface

I travel to office by auto. It is a short ride by 'shared' auto.It costs the minimum fare. However, the minimum fare was not very well defined and some of the autowallahs cheated unsuspecting passengers. For instance,if you give them a Rs. 10 note, they will not return the change citing reasons like Rs. 10 is the minimum fare or simply by claiming that they do not have any change. Unlike few regulars and stubborn hagglers like me, others used to stash the note in their hands and huff away.

So, on this particular bright and sunny day, I got into an auto after a long wait. While getting in I glanced at the driver's face.He had a deep scar across his right cheek.It was an ugly scar screaming of tales of ignominy. During the 7 minutes travel, my mind raced unstintingly on the tracks of imagination.How did this man get injured so badly? Maybe he had some kind of criminal record. He got injured during an ugly spat.Maybe while making bombs he had an accident. One thing my mind was made up about. He was definitely a crook. I decided that I had to give him the exact change and walk away immediately to avoid any kind of argument and spoil the rest of my day.
With this thought stuck in my mind, I searched my 'big' bag frantically for coins. As luck would have it, I did not have the exact change.At the end of the journey,reluctantly I gave him a Rs. 20 note. To my surprise,he gave back the exact change-nothing more,nothing less and that too without grumbling. I did not even mention the actual fare.

It was at this moment that a memory from my schooldays flashed across my mind. I was in class 8. Our Bengali Miss..(Err..Yes we used to call our teachers "Miss ___" even if they were married or were the age of grandma and it did take a great deal of effort to switch from Miss to Ma"m during my days in Bangalore).So coming back to my recollection. Our Miss started the class by asking us about the first thought which comes to our mind when we see a person for the first time in train, bus, road etc. The answer which still breathes in my mind is that of my friend who used to travel from the suburbs by train.She replied,"Miss, I ask myself whether this person is a thief or not." After all these years,I was still holding on to that immature thread of thought.!I felt ashamed of myself. I felt as if I had failed my teachers after being fortunate enough to get 'educated' at one of the best schools where love and compassion towards the fellow human being was the first thing taught. I judged this person based on a scar which had lot of possibilities-both good and bad.However, I chose the bad.As I took the bridge to cross over, my point of view took a somersault as a fresh perspective dawned.Maybe he got injured while saving a lady from a group of armed goons.He was a noble man. Maybe, he helped the cops nab a notorious chain snatcher.He was a brave man.The true fact was that I do not know. I only know that he was an honest man and a good auto driver and that I would not hesitate taking his auto a second time.

We humans are strange. As more and more avenues of communication open up, we become more distrustful of people around us.The default setting in our minds has become like that of my innocent friend from nearly two decades back!We tend to draw conclusions from physical appearances which are as fleeting as the clouds above. We try to copy-paste our judgement based on our past experiences with a certain "type".We choose to be oblivious to the truth that the real depth, the character of a person is revealed when we interact with them. We forget that each human being is different. Every human mind is so complicated that even when we interact, it maybe difficult to ascertain the real person.I personally believe that we are a sum total of our experiences and choices. We are not all black nor all white. We are all grey or maybe of multiple unknown shades.This incident made me thoughtful.The short journey of 10 minutes taught me a lesson which will remain with me forever!
To look beyond what is visible. To clean the brushes and paint palette before starting on the picture!

Dance in the rain!

I turned the radio on. The blast of the soulful music made the rains romantic. Yet for the first time I could not enjoy it. There was a tightness in my heart.I will be leaving Mumbai.Apart from the fact that I have to abruptly draw the curtains on my life here, I will be going back with another small and silly regret-the regret of not getting wet in the rains with the waves submerging me in their kisses.It made me rue not having a friend with me at that moment in order to go out and get embarrassingly drenched. As I was approaching Marine Drive, radio played these lines from the film "Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara":

"Dilon mein tum apni betabiyan leke chal rahe ho.
Toh zinda ho tum!
Nazar mein khwaabon ki bijliyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum!
Hawa ke jhonkon ke jaise aazad rehna seekho
Tum ek dariya ke jaise, leharon mein behna seekho
Har ek lamhe se tum milo khole apni baahein
Har ek pal ek naya samaa dekhe ye nigaahe"

I switched off my ignition. Parked my car and ran out to the tree lined promenade of Marine Drive.I recited the remaining lines to my heart.

"Jo apni aankhon mein hairaniyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum!
Dilon mein tum apni betabiyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum!"

Joined the laughter and joy shared by the cute couples and simply singles without much thought. There were several "Kodak moments" all the way! Once the excitement died down, I sat at the boulevard looking at the sea. With 'bols' of the falling rain, the sea seemed to be dancing with abandon,pirouetting with glee, its skirt rising up with each twirl and crashing against the rocks. Every spirited wave filled the onlookers with delight!

Sitting there by the gleeful sea, I shared my turbulent thoughts with her.I was packing my bags to leave this "City of Dreams". It was my decision. However, the reasons were not mine. It was my life. However, the heart was not beating at my wishes.

What if I am the sea? When I dance with pure joy, it would spread happiness around me. My smile will light up the hearts of all those who love me. Going back against my wishes, I felt lost and deflated.I was scared that, with time one day, the cloud of unhappiness in the heart will reveal itself in the gloom of my eyes and snuff out that light.That day will be my real defeat.

Relieved, I went back to my car.Punched in Packers and Movers and cancelled their services. Dialled my parents to confirm my arrival. It was definitely going to be tough convincing them.However, big decisions in life should not be compromises. They should be the outcome of selfless love and not that laced with the regret of sacrifices. Inspired, I added my story to the lines:

"Intezaar ke naami ko aankho par chhane nahi de rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum!
Dilon mein umeed qayam rakhte ho
Toh zinda ho tum!
Lafz pe hasi leke aagey bad rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum!
Khudiko mitne nahi de rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum!"

Love others by loving yourself and the sun will shine from round the corner.

Rendezvous with Me!

Reproducing an impromptu piece I penned:


"Where is the real self..
Is it the one who shares a good laugh over a cup of coffee..
Or is it the known stranger in the mirror who mocks at my emptiness..
Is it the one who talks about dreams and aspirations..
Or is it the one who puts sleep to sleep lest dreams visit..
Maybe somewhere..in one of these days would come a revelation..
The true self would be embraced with unguarded sanity and mirth..
Till that day don't let the eyes moisten,don't let the smile flee..
Keep the light burning till the day I meet Me!"