Saturday 14 July 2018

A trip to remember


Today I realized that I have lost most of the photos of my solo trip in 2017 due to some technical problem in my phone. No, there was no back up! The captured moments are now gone but the memory lives on. Here I am of sharing three of the most important learnings that I gained from the birthday gift that I gave myself.


1.       Muster up the courage and just give it a shot!

One fine day I woke up with the desire to visit the Golden Temple. The state of finances and my friend’s reluctance to accompany me made me chain down my wish. However, I could not drown it into oblivion. I did not want to look back and blame my friend or my circumstances for my unfulfilled dream. So I decided to go alone.
I took a stock of my situation. Did I really not have the finances? Maybe I was contouring my trip with luxuries that I could surely give a miss. Indian railways, dharamshalas, local buses and backpackers hostels came to the rescue. As soon as the light was visible, I made all the possible bookings so that no black out happens.
The next problem was myself. Though I was a good planner, I was not as organised as I would have loved to be. Also, I was capable of being embarrassingly clumsy at times. To all this, I wore the badge of accomplishing the seemingly impossible task of getting lost on five different occasions to reach the same place.  Knowing oneself too well sometimes holds one back. Knowing myself too well, I had already planned the route of no return. Ta da! All the bookings were done!
So one rainy and eventful day (literally so as it was the day of the Elphinstone Bridge stampede) with a throbbing head I embarked on my first solo trip to the peaceful Golden Temple and the serene beauty of the mountains at Dharamshala.
And yes, here I am full of experiences and planning my next one. I survived!

The Golden Temple, Amritsar

Hostel La Vie, Dharamshala


2.       Mistakes and adventures

At Amritsar, after visiting the Golden Temple premises and Jallianwala Bagh, I proceeded towards Wagah-Attari border. I took a shared auto. The auto would bring all of us back to the starting point. My co-passengers were a group of five boys, a family of three and two men. At the border, I chose to deposit my bag together with those of the boys. All of us parted ways deciding to meet at a common point after the Beating Retreat Border Ceremony. After catching a glimpse of the proceedings from far, escaping a near stampede and few photos at the border, I came back to the meeting point. The family and the two men were there but the group of boys were missing. Then I went back to the place where I deposited the bag and I found one of them waiting for me. He enquired about the others and confirmed that the bag was with him in the auto. He asked us to come fast as the auto driver was getting impatient. While walking back, one of the young men was found to be missing. I informed the boy and asked him to wait while the others went to look for him. He asked us to come fast and walked away. Finally after the man was located we went looking for the auto but it was nowhere to be seen. The boys were also not there. All around us there was utter chaos because of the unexpectedly high footfall on the Dusehhra weekend. The network was bad so the auto driver could not be contacted. Then suddenly I realised that I did not have the contact number of the boys, my bag was with them and my passport was in the bag! I ran down the entire stretch of the road looking at all the autos but they were gone! When I returned, the others were waiting for me. They had managed to get an auto for going back. Finally after an exciting episode of breakdown of the auto in the middle of the highway, a session of questioning by the night patrol of the Punjab police , narrating my lost passport case(courtesy one of the concerned co-passengers) , we finally managed to reach the starting point. I was dejected but hopeful of getting back my document the next day by contacting the auto organiser. I realized I was stupid in depositing my bag along with others, not because I shouldn’t trust people but because life is unpredictable and everybody doesn’t share the same sentiments. The thought of discontinuing my trip flashed across my mind. The local team from my office's global security helpline called. They promised to help me lodge an FIR the next morning, ensured my safe return to the guest house and then hung up. After calming down, I decided that I would continue my trip. I went back to the square to lift my mood up with a good meal and also to see whether I’d bump into those boys miraculously. And miracle it was! I saw one of them finishing their dinner. In a daze of thankfulness, I went and tapped on his shoulder. He seemed relieved and happy to see me. They brought my bag and apologised for leaving us stranded blaming the auto driver for the same. I just thanked them, reached my dormitory, freshened up and went to sleep. I was too overwhelmed by the turn of events.
The day was rich in many lessons but the most important one was to never lose faith.

Attari-Wagah border

The Golden Temple Guest House




3.       Strangers

After the miracle at Amritsar, I was a bit wiser. I huffed and puffed uphill to reach my hostel at Bhagsu, Dharamshala. I entered my room and smiled. There was my bunk bed just beside the window overlooking the mountains. It was one of my dreams which just got realised as I stood there. I freshened up and went out for dinner. When I came back there were five other girls in the room from different corners of the world. I was engulfed with a feeling of reaching out for the Invisibility Cloak. Somehow I always felt conscious and uncomfortable among strangers. This was more to do with my insecurities than anything else. However, I took a deep breath and smiled. I introduced myself and thereafter we transitioned from being strangers to roommates. One of them invited me to join them for a visit to His Holiness’s talk the next day. So at 5 am in the morning I was up, walking down the mountain roads, trusting my companions and joining them in their spiritual quest. By end of the evening as we all settled down on our beds, laughing, sharing jokes, sharing insecurities, moments of joy, seeking advice and giving advice, the geographical borders melted and a connection of friendship was forged. All friendships may not end up in something rock solid but what mattered was the honesty, the vulnerability and the genuine emotions lived in those shared moments.
Now amidst strangers I am a bit more relaxed, a bit more confident than before. I know that the person in front of me is not much different from me. It’s just a matter of being you, a genuine smile and a handshake to try and break the ice.

View from my bed

The roomies-Brenda,myself,Sophie,Noel,Lise and Katie(from the left)


Sunday 8 April 2018

A New Age Fair

The turns- some new some strange
The roads-some known some old
The buildings-shining with history
The place- bubbling with story
What is different today in this known city?
What is the tug which makes me feel silly?
New fragrances which linger,
Surreptitious smiles-for reasons I can't finger!

Every corner I go,
The memories have a story to tell
Every round I take,
They remind me of your smell.
It's a sweet torture,
You don't want me to take.
You are free, I am not.
You have decided for yourself,
Now let me be,till I take a break.

Easy it is for you to touch and go,
Easy it is for you to say yes and no,
I am sorry I am too slow,
With your whims I don't flow.
I have a heart which knows to love
I have a mind which knows to care
I am not apologetic being thus
Only problem is keeping it hush.
Your name on my screen brings a smile asunder,
Your voice makes my heart beat like thunder.

You are pro at this new age fair,
Where love seems to be a non existent affair.
My beatings will take time to adjust.
After all, maybe it's not love but lust.
Whatever it is, it needs to have no base.
Feelings for you have to be made less.
That will also happen my love.
Only fear is that I will by the end
Be a part of this new age fair,
Where love is a non existent affair.

Last Verses

Writing the last few verses for you.
No, you won't find me blue.
I promise this not for you,
But for the love of the Almighty who is always true!

Life is magical !
Life is tragical !
But life with its colours few,
Blends in to form new hues.
Complaining is not something I'll do,
But will definitely paint a picture new!

Love life with all that it hails.
Maybe the songs are not always with happy bells,
But I choose to not be in the hell.
I have blessings to make me sail!

Heart is not mindful
Of trenches and whirlpool.
I know at the end I look like a fool.
But when with honesty I'd jumped in the pool,
I'll be the better person with a soul beautiful!

Thank you for all the moments which were only mine,
Be happy with life in your vine.
Maybe we shall meet one day in sunshine,
When my happiness will surpass thine!


Strangers once again

Remember once we knew not one another,
It was like a different chapter.
You counted minutes through your pings
Sharing everything with a ring.
Now that we know one another,
Why moments are locked by an unseen captor?
Why laughters are stifled with thoughts ,
Waiting till the white flower rots?
If you are good is it my fault?
If I am not worse , what to throw out of my vault ?
Which words should I tell you more,
So that the wounds won't fear to be sore ?
I have a flash,
If you would let it light.
Let's not keep the future in sight,
Let's leave all this behind.
Let's just rewind,
Let's laugh out loud,
And erase the day we heard each other's sound.
Let us be strangers once again,
You and me-a new story to begin!

A Thousand Lovely Deaths

Away you took my breath,
As you stood at BK's gate.
How could you have a face so straight,
Causing a thousand lovely deaths?!

When I look down at my plate,
I feel you looking at my face.
"Wish I was the prettiest in the place."
Desires bringing a thousand lovely deaths.

You touch, you brush.
I blush!
My heart stops beating with bated breath,
As I die a thousand lovely deaths!

As you kiss the goodbyes,
Tears well up in my eyes.
Don't know what makes them wet,
Drowning me with a thousand lovely deaths.

I love your eyes,
I love your smiles.
I love your soul so great,
Burning mine with a thousand lovely deaths!

Morning Fantasy

Feeling like making out with you
To feel the touch which gives me shivers
To breathe the voice which makes my heart quiver
To transform into beautiful washed by your lips
To melt in your arms when I lose.

Feeling like waking up beside you,
To watch you breathe softly,
To slowly caress the softness of your chest,
To resist waking you up by making it my head rest,
To kiss you on your lips,
To see you smile at your dream trips.

These thoughts are not my fault at the slight.
Today's morning sun has no mood
To open its eyes and shine bright.
It is lulling me to sleep,
To visit the moonlight
To dream of you when you are out of sight.

- [ ]

The Elusive You

Closed my eyes with a smile,
Reminiscing the last few days for a while.

You were a burst of sunshine, a constant downpour.
Your non stop magical words pulled me out of rancour.

Your words echo with a deep breath
"Jaan don't fall in love,look where you tread"
Grounds are slippery,but don't worry I still have my head.

Few lines about you are difficult,
It will make me think about you without any halt.
For you this torture is accepted
If it kind of gets your eyes crinkled.

Baby you are so vivacious,
It is actually infectious.
But beauty is in your pause,
When you open the windows to your house.
A beautiful soul with mischief inlaid,
Makes one ones own without visible dread
An enchanted mind with the heart of a child,
You are a rainbow with colours so wild.

Wary in approach, yet brave.
Though I know you not much to rave.
Yet your elusive company I shall crave,
And remember that ur thoughts in my prayers I will always save.
It will be hard to tell u bye,
But I know those days are nigh.
Good things are not forever,
But the memories will never die.

Will You Be My Poetry?

Will you be my poetry?
Through your hair I will run my fingers,
And gather my thoughts.
In your eyes I will look,
And find my words.
On your lips I will put mine
And find the fire,
On your back I will write my desire.
Softly with my kisses light,
Slowly and ever slowly
We will burn away the night.

The long drawn curtains,
Will have a story to tell,
If to write a beautiful poetry
I fail.
Keep the story in your heart
Even if for a while,
Know that knowing you
Someone miles away will smile.
Don't pull the curtains,
Don't open the door,
Be my muse,my dream
For some time more .

Ashamed should I be,
Of wanting you?
Scared should I be,
Of losing you?
Answers I will seek
Some other time,
When I will alone
Watch the clock chime.




Strangers

We are two strangers,
Met at life's one of many junctures.
We shall kiss and move apart soon,
Like the specks in time's sand dune.
The heart becomes heavy at the thought
That you and me are meant to be naught.

The reality reels me towards others.
True, hundreds are there in the yonders. They vouch to kiss the body to shivers,
But none touch the soul with arrow from their quivers.

You are a free bird I know,
But will u let me kiss u slow?
Will you let me look into your eyes,
To see them turn into smiles?
Will you let me take your hand for awhile,
To feel warmth before cold covers the miles?

In between your "baby" and silences
You touched me.
In between your incessant chatter and missing conversations,
You caught me.
You made my heart skip beats,
And I am not lying.
You made me love the sun kissed mornings more,
When I am at the Almighty's door.
I love the dreams which make me drive,
And know they'll make me thrive.
Without you I will survive,
But when with you, I dream to jive!!

A Flash Across My Mind

Year is coming to an end,
At an interesting bend.
"Will you be on the other side?",
Wonders me with eyes open wide.

You run too fast you claim.
But running after you is not my aim.
If you value, then slow down;
Else, pester to lose you,I won't be that clown.

When your footprints are all that would remain,
Will remember how you drove me insane.
How you made me look within me with love.
To praise myself,whom, I always used to shove.

Will remember the colours of your life,
Laugh at how You choose to be Your wife.
But, what I will miss the most,
Is how you understood the thoughts I post.
It had been like having a dear friend,
Who heaven delayed to send.

Life wouldn't have been more rosy with you as confidante,
But it would have given me someone to rant,
To laugh, to cry ,to pray, to rise up again.
To face life with a smile in eyes amidst all the pain.
"And what would you have in this game?".
"Nothing but my undying friendship",says this dame.

Love for Thee

I have only few verses with me
But love has no end for Thee.
I have felt You always within
Without You I am lonely and beaten.

Today have You abandoned me?
Have I offended You so much?
I have only You with me
Where will another friend I search.

Relationship with You is it bound
By verses and rituals abound?
The language that I have in my heart
Allah does that make no sound?

I thank you everyday for all the blessings
I bear with strength the hardships that you fling
I know what you do is for the best
On You we need to leave the rest.
Still Allah sometimes the  tears do not stop
Do I not deserve unfragmented happiness from your shop?



Birthday Blues

As I blow out the candles on my cake
A lump in my throat is in the make.
It's that day again,
Where my being fades ,
And I slowly seem to lose the rein.

The awards of the school days,
Emancipation of mind as in college it frayed,
Appreciation and respect in workplace,
Dreams and hopes built without any cess,
All crumpled today into nothingness.
Disappointed with my life,
They have taken the strife
Of finding a suitable boy,
Who will take care of me, as I act coy.

Ma, do you not know me ?
Am I the person you want me to be?
You know I argue for the right,
And sulk if I don't win the fight.
Ma, I need a boy not to make my life better ,
I need someone who will welcome my presence in all weather.
Ma, I am soft you know,
The tears, at the slightest hurt, they flow.
Don't force me into a fire slow,
I will harden into a stone and won't show.

Dad, I made u proud and happy once,
It hurts me to see the flounce.
Dad, please love me and have faith,
Plead you to not let society end the wait.
I have learnt to be happy and able,
The wings you made strong keeps me stable.
Be the wind as you have always been
The Almighty will one day surely bless my deen.





An Ordinary Girl

I am only an ordinary girl,
Want to look at the mountains with my pillow and curl.
"She will become an exemplary one,
Educated and settled with husband-daughter-son."
Alas, I am rolling with only my education!

I am only an ordinary girl,
Then why my mind is in a constant whirl.
I am scared by the darkness of my thoughts,
And baffled by the shine I find in naughts.
Can't I just be mundane and be one with the lot,
Ones who are by many sought?

I am only an ordinary girl,
Taking in life's abundant twirl.
Collecting little sunshines on the run,
To find light when gloom covers the sun
And add sparkles to my world for fun.

I am only an ordinary girl,
Discovering that I am no less than a pearl.
Patience,gratitude,kindness and love
Blessed to have these showered from above.
I am not perfect,that I know.
Am breathing in life steady and slow.
Stoking that fire within to glow,
For putting up an extraordinary show!

I am only an ordinary girl,
Spiritual but not by ritual.
Almighty,keep me steady,hold me tight,
Forgive my sins and bless my flight.
Take me to heights keeping the ground in sight.
Thank you for the extra in the ordinary light!